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Showing posts from May, 2012

#^@!, I don't want to do this anymore!

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There are days I don't even know if I want to do this anymore. Usually in Late Winter/Early Spring, when I haven't been near her for weeks or months. The separation doesn't make my heart grow fonder, it makes my mind wander. Did I buy the right boat? Did I do the right thing? Am I still on the path? Is this path the right path? What the $%^ am I doing with my life?

It is hard enough to remain committed to such a long range project, and to do it on a shoestring, but being away from her – physically disconnected – is so disheartening. The project leers at me like Sendak's Wild Things. Without the contact, without the least amount of progress, the steps melt into a monolith, progress made is forgotten. I get frozen just looking at the whole thing. I get scared.

And then I get to spend some time with her. And like Max, I conquered the Wild Things by "staring into all their yellow eyes without blinking once." A couple weeks ago, the tarp came off. The bilge was d…